the long awaited rant

I realise that my rants seem to be my most popular blog postings (or at least they were over on Xanga) and I also realise I haven't ranted in a while.

Before you think it's because there aren't enough people getting in my way, or that it's the effect of all the caffeine I've been drinking that's making me so content, think again. It's only because I've been too busy to bitch.

So. without much further ado, here's a big one, because this bitch is bitchin'.

MELBOURNE CENTRAL FITNESS FIRST PROMOTERS

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET OUT OF MY FACE!

in this case, I'm not using the name of the lord in vain because unless you really love him all that much, you won't want to meet him much sooner than you expect non?

Then get out of my way dammit.

I'm going to name one of the promoters in particular. You, the Asian guy with the silver glasses. Yes YOU. I know hard-selling probably gets you customers, but it's bordering on harrssment you nincompoop.

Scene 1:

I walk past the promoters on the way to the toilet. All of them start shoving pamphlets in my face, Glassesboy is particularly aggressive.

"Join Fitness First!" he yells overzealously.

I smile politely and decline

This is obviously my first mistake as I'm acknowledging his existence. While I actually like to acknowledge these people because it's a thankless and soul-crushing job, and like all the others, I'm saying no, at least I'm doing it nicely. In this case however, it was my biggest mistake.

"Get fit! blah blah"

I walk past.

As I walk back out of the toilet he shoves pamphlets again.

This time even my "I'm not interested" doesn't work.

He starts going on and on and on.

I ignore him

Scene 2:

I walk past to get to Borders.

Guy starts his whole thing alloveragain.

I ignore him this time.

He actually JUMPS IN FRONT OF ME.

What does a girl have to do to tell you she's not interested!!!??!! sheeesh.

He's all aggro again, and tries to get me to sign up.

I try something along the lines of "sorry I'm already with Fitness First"

he doesn't believe me.

yells AFTER me as I walk off.

Scene 3, 4, 5 and 6:

repeat scenarios 1 and 2

Scene 7- the absolute clincher:

I'm walking in my work apron- a conspicious brown ankle-length apron, with a trolley stacked high with milk crates containing 36 milk bottles (yes, filled with milk).

Tell me how you're supposed to miss that.

Unless I wear a huge cardboard sign across my chest emblazoned with the words

"Can't Talk, I'm Working!"

I don't think I can get any more obvious than that.

but noooooooooo, apparently he's still blind despite his corrective eyewear.

He actually tries to proposition me while I'm lugging 4 milk crates in a brown apron!

I have construction workers holding doors and pressing lift buttons for me (!!) and this guy is asking me to join the gym.

Gee dude, can't you tell I'm working out as we, or rather, YOU speak?

Weight training and cardio all in one!

Besides, I'm with a better gym than yours, nyeh nyeh.

I don't get it. I really. don't get it.