we need a new playlist at work

One of our glowing reviews (The Saturday Age I believe) cites our fugging playlist as one of work's plus points.

Egawd.

It may be well and good and even 'romantic' (ChinaDoll, 2005) but to listen to the same damn thing for 6 months a year is TORTURE. Especially if you're only working mornings.

Mornings are the quietest times, hence maximum listening pleasure. Also, despite our expansive playlists (morning, noon, afternoon, night), it can't be more than 100 songs on each. AND the best songs are all either in the Night playlist (our busiest times when we're too busy and it's too loud) or NOT on any playlists? Why? Beats me.

I liked Norah Jones. I even bought her CD. Then I started work there. And now, like every other member of staff, we hear Norah and let out a simultaneous "ARGHHHHH!!!!!"

I've started to miss her again, because my boss has figured out that if you turn off the shuffle, and start at Jewel's Swallow The Moon song you end up bypassing all the Norah songs. (Unluckily for me, it contains several songs I absolutely DETEST including Kings of Leon, Belle and Sebastian and Kings of Convenience) That remake of The Stranglers' Golden Brown drives me up the wall, and we really don't need a lithium induced version of Scarborough Fair. Or all these other songs that really really make me chop strawberries extra quickly, clean the waffle machine extra efficiently, or thump my coffee milk extra hard.

If you play me some bloated dramatic French song by some overenthusiatic version of Rufus Wrainwright without the passion and class, I will throw a tiny tiny strawberry in strawberry fondue, make you bad coffee, and go easy on all your chocolate. (and if you asked for soy milk, I'll make sure I accidentally on purpose make it full cream)

I don't care if Derek Zoolander thinks it's so hot right now, I do not care.

We have extended conversations about the playlist.

People sit round discussing how "Three is a Magic Number" really makes everyone laugh, how "This is Not a Love Song" seems to form a love/hate divide amongst the staff, whether Air is all that great, etc.

BUT. We are united in our love of Damien Rice, and our hatred of Come Away With Me by Norah.

As my boss puts it, "I live in fear of hearing the opening bars of that song. That playlist on shuffle makes me edgy all morning. The moment I hear that song, it just wrecks my day."

and he isn't kidding either.

Then we have what White Trash and I affectionately call the "elevator music series" which sounds exactly like that drivel they played in hotel lobbies in the early 90s. That whole "ambient" thing, like the shopping section of The Sims. You know, that music played in the era before Kenny G, Yanni and Kitaro, after Richard Clayderman.

Songs like those really make me feel like I'm trapped in a gigantic elevator, slowly suffocating amidst the smell of coffee, chocolate and waffles, surrounded by Toorak Mothers with their designer-clothed babies and toddlers and kids- hands adorned with rocks that look big enough to wipe out third world debt. (and the occassional staff member screaming blue murder at the soundtrack)

I mean, I love work. I love the people there, and I do know that I probably will never ever work at a place with such a great work dynamic ever again...and I have got to have one of the best work mp3 collections ever, but if someone made the morning playlist magically disappear I would be most grateful.

ON THE HUNT FOR: Unfinished Symphony- Massive Attack (homework from my boss- he's giving me music education)