Sunday, February 13, 2005

stupid of the week and why am I not fat?

I'm beginning to think I should just hand an award for rudest customer of the week every week, especially since they think they're being so witty and smart and superior when in actual fact their jokes/snide remarks/witty reveations/postulations are just plain STUPID.

This one's for the frightened lady. Oh yes.

As I hand a latte over to the customer, his wife says

'gee, sure looks like it's had a fright'

All I hear, of course, is mumblemumblemumble FRIGHT

which gives me a fright, because the last thing I want to do is scare a customer right? I mean, I know I frighten small children and animals, but to scare a grown adult is taking it to whole new levels.

So I inquire:

"I'm sorry ma'am? Did I scare you?"

to which she curls her lip into a sneer before pointing one perfectly french manicured finger daintily at my equally dainty latte glass

"NO." she says imperiously

"I said, it looks like the latte had a fright."

When I stare at her in disbelief and incomprehension she continues like I'm stupid

"It looks a little pale"

her husband is doing his best impression of foetal position in a backless chair, and giving me apologetic looks, waving his hands around and saying "nevermind" in soft tones.

While imagination is all very important, making sure people actually get your sarcasm is even more so. If the mere plebians are unable to absorb the import of what you told them, then you're just going to get more frustrated, and we wouldn't want that to happen now would we?

the second crazy has to be a woman who came in and stared at my extremely manager. And stared, and stared, and stared. She stares around the store, and my manager approaches her.

"Excuse me ma'am, is there anything I can help you with?"

The woman stares at her, blinks, stares some more and finally spits out,

"None of you are fat." in an accusatory tone.

Needless to say my manager was trying her best not to burst out laughing.

When the rest of the staff heard about this after work, we all cracked up.

"Ma'am, this just proves the slimming powers of black!"

I'm the first to pipe up.

"Ma'am it's the benefit of wearing a shapeless ankle length apron!"

Says another.

Yeah. well, we aren't obese. but I wouldn't call any of us slim either.

Valentines post coming up.