Monday, June 20, 2005

my parents #456890

I sure hope my sis hasn't found this blog, and if she has, Don't tell mummy and daddy ok?

This is another one of my black sheep posts.

I was on the phone to my parents over the weekend and mentioned that I had to attend several engagements and weddings.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH"

both of them exclaimed. It was one of those "I knew it" self-satisfied 'ahs' and said with such such glee. Except both of them were a little out of time (I'm the only musical one in the family) so it sounded like an even more foreboding "AH HAAAAAAAAAAA"

It was like they'd lept on my words "engagement" and "wedding" as if they hadn't eaten in years and those words were lunch. It also sounded like an evil overweight French cook with a Dali moustache sharpening his carving knife.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked suspiciously

Apparently weddings and engagements are supposed to make me succumb to peer pressure and start feeling clucky.

RIGHT.

My parents are DESPERATE to get me attached and I think somewhere, somehow, my mother has decided I'm lesbian.

I was complaining to princessmish's boy over the weekend and he cracked up so hard, he couldn't work for 5min. "SO ASIAN!" he exclaimed.

*sigh*

Whatever the case, they've tried cajoling, fear tactics, reverse psychology, rewards. You name it, they've tried it. and I'm still like, "Yeah. Not getting married. Sorry"

This pains them greatly. Especially my father who once considered buying a station wagon when I was 6- in the hopes that he would be able to cart me and my (future) husband and KIDS around on picnics. *sighs* And they say women are clucky.

I'll admit, I haven't officially uh, "declared" boyfriends (or even girlfriends) of any sort to them, especially since I've been here since I was 14 and you can't exactly bring anyone home, and my parents are quite racist purist traditional.

With the sole exception of ONE, all the boys I've sort-of dated have been non-Chinese, and my parents insist on Chinese.

You may think I'm exaggerating, but the last thing my mother said to me when she left me all alone at the age of 14 in a strange land wasn't "Be good" "Take care of yourself" "don't get into any trouble" or even "don't become a druggie", it was "Don't come home with a white boyfriend okay?"

Little do they know that "white" is only the beginning of their problems. I swear if they found out I've found a few black guys attractive they'd positively faint on the spot. and if they found out I'd once dated a Jew they would...approach him (or the concept of him) much like a science experiment. With equal parts fascination and trepidation. Possibly ask the strangest and most unwittingly insulting questions I could never come up with in my wildest dreams.

My family is strange. Honest. I mean, the way they treat my platonic guy friends is enough to send THEM running (or driving) away at the highest speeds possible. Like the time my dad untied my friend's shoelace to facilitate his, er. departure.

Or when Blurboy comes to pick me up in his car and you'll see my parents poking their heads out the upstairs window to stare, and my sister poking her head out the front window, also to stare. And Blurboy who as his name suggests, is BLUR but actually manages to notice this due to the sneaking feeling that SOMEONE is staring at him. Make that THREE someones.

Or the time one of my guy friends was walking me home and my father drove past, saw me, rubbernecked, and nearly crashed.

*sighs*

My parents are so...traditional...even Chinese from other parts of Asia won't do. Although I think as my meatmarket value has gone down, so have their crazy standards.

That said, it's not like the guys I've dated are actually boyfriend material. I mean, compulsive liars and white hindus (to name a few) aren't your average "take home to mum and dad" boys are they. (although when I was dating the white hindu he wasn't a hindu and was still doing commerce of all things).

Besides, I hate to tell my parents this. But not only am I not interested in marriage or in boys as a general rule, I repel boys. It's a mutual understanding. In order for boys to like you, they have to feel you are receptive. (Actually, my father was the one who told me that in one of his hour long why-don't-you-have-a-boyfriend prep-talks.) Since I don't seem to have any boy-antennae at all, boys don't respond. (how I came to this conclusion is another post altogether)

Easy.

In fact, if I did settle for any boy who was chasing me, they'd most probably be psycho stalkers who watch child porn in their free time. Well okay, maybe not that bad. They'd all be non-psycho stalkers who watch Michael Jackson documentaries in their free time.

I've figured guys are scared of me, and the only ones who dare approach are either

A) dead drunk
B) stoned out of their skulls
C) clinically insane or
D) megalomanics.

take your pick.

Boys who like me, I don't like. Boys I like, don't like me. (and I don't generally fall in "like" in the 1st place)

So mum and dad, the answer is still no. I may decide to cohabitate one day, me the black sheep with one of my (possibly) non-Chinese megalomaniac boyfriends, but surely you'd agree that couples like that should never be allowed to procreate.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Haha, that post was a scream. Yah, we're at that age where parents - and worse those nosy relatives with nothing better to do than to sit around on their asses and gossip about you all day - start fretting about 'how it's time to start thinking about a family'. I've tried forestalling their comments/remarks by telling them that I'm just going to get married at 30, doesn't matter who's around - anyone could do, but they've just got to wait till then. I think it worked... or at least, they haven't bothered me at all in the past year...

-Peishan

Onigiriman said...

Whew! What a post. I swear, I hve missed far too many of your posts since you've moved from Xanga, but I think I will change that as of now. I'm going to link you on my blogspot page so I will always see you name... for that matter, I've also bookmarked you on RBJ, that way you'll always appear on my list over there when I go by... of course the big question mark instead of a photo is rather unremarkable.

Anyway, I am amazed at your parents. I have met many "traditionalists" in my day, and I am embarrassed to say that i was one of them, but no longer, and not in this day and age. Maybe you should tell them you have met Blacks who are attractive. Maybe then if you date someone who is not Chinese but not Black, they will be more receptive? Well, I know ove person who used this tactic and was "successful."

Anonymous said...

baby, i've got stuff to tell you about parents and boys too! [this just reinforces the fact that you and i are connected in some supernatural way.] remind me. i miss you!! can't stress that enough. call you tmrw ok?

May said...

Now that the extended family knows that I'm getting married next year, your parents lamented about the fact that you're not in a relationship. Or at least, they did in the recent lunch with Third Uncle at Ma ma's place, which was the first time I brought Kevin along too. Actually... they've talked about it a few times over the years. I think they're really quite anxious.

igakunogakusei said...

Gosh. Surely the tender age of 23 does not deem anyone near marriageable age? And why should anyone get married in the first place? It seems almost wrong that the default should be 'to get married'.

I advocate that no one should get married unless they've met someone along the way, and that they are rather sure that person is THE ONE.

Makes life so much easier, doesn't it?

One Little Twit said...

Sounds so much like my mother. She is forever petrified that i am lesbian or i will make angmoh boyfriends. She said specifically "I am chicken, he is duck. We cannot talk one language."

But even when i told her i have a bf, she still thinks i am lesbian.

Ascaroth said...

Traditionalists make me angry. Such narrow mindedness will only breed distrust and discord.

Wicked site, by the way.

sway said...

Princess- you just blew your cover!!!!!! do you really want your name sullied by actually admitting to being related to me??!!!???

Third Uncle's in SG? COOL. tell him I said hi.

Tell my mother (one more time) that no, I do not hide girls under my bed when she's not looking. Just like I don't shoot coke in parks like she's always telling me not to. (and you can tell my dad I don't drink coke too like he's always telling me) Maybe she'll listen if it comes from you.

She once grilled me for half an hour as to whether I'm lesbian or not, just because I'm a homosexual symapthiser! Since when does that make me homosexual myself? I mean, just because I sympathise with say, the tsunami cause doesn't make me a tsunami victim now does it????!!??

Don't tell her about the boys though.

I don't know who would freak more, my mum or dad. And then they'll start worrying about whether I'm still a virgin. And then I will be in REALLLLLLYYYYYY BIG TROUBLE. *sighs*

Tell Kevin I said hi, welcome to the family. If he can cope with our family, he's definitely won super duper extra brownie points from me!

sway said...

ascaroth making little coloured babies. Oh dear. that would never do.

O-man: thanks dude! I still read your site. Promise!

val: my parents are worse than jo's and even char's so you get an idea :/

peishan I don't know. knowing them, my father would run out and sign me up with the SDU immediately or something.

princess Maybe I should just fall in love with some poor penniless mee pok seller with multiple gang-related tattoos instead of rich internationally-schooled kids with multiple issues. Then they'll come round. AN-ZHUA! BUT I LUB HIM MAAAAAAAH!!!!! *ahem* you do realise I'm not serious right.

sway said...

did I forget to mention that with parents like that, I wouldn't let him anywhere near them without being in an extremely stable relationship and several hours of prep talks?

not indie enough said...

sheesh, parents can be so protective that way. and the way you talk about your parents, haha, it makes them sound like monsters! monsters with the typical small-island + chinese elitism mentalities *shudders*

or probably you just made them sound that way. i have relatives like that, which i absolutely hate, and refuse to talk to.

like god, wake up! we're not living in the days where marriages are araanged anymore! we don't have to get married to people of the same race/dialect. hell, we don't even need to get married!

May said...

Wonder of wonders, Kevin got on well with the family. Or at least, I didn't hear anything negative about him, You know how it's like, the family's never very tactful/diplomatic. So, good.

I think the penniless tatooed mee pok seller is a fab idea. In case you can't find a suitable candidate, just hire someone to carry out the masquerade with you. Tee-hee. A complete turn-around in their attitude/behaviour is practically guaranteed. Heh.

kabluey said...

*smile* Just catching up on my blog readings and you know i can really identify with your 'lil' issue with your parents and the men that we can date. My dad for one has said strictly no non-chinese and no christian or catholic chinese either.

And i am sure he is vaguely aware that ALL my bfs have not been asian or chinese. Tough on them. :) My mom has accepted the fact that i might not marry a chinese and she's always emphasise that i would have to bring him home to meet the parents regardless of what colour he is.

Though seriously agree that if i ever have to bring him home it would be as good as to bringing him home with kid(s) and say : "Mom. Dad. Meet my family." :P