Sunday, January 29, 2006

xin nian kuai le

(P/S PLEASE watch cottage cheese thighs trackback on PopoZao. I laughed till I nearly cried)

don't even ask me how to say that in Cantonese. Sin Nian Guoi/Guai Lay? *cue racous laughter*

hey hey. At least I know it's Gong Hei Fatt Choy for Gong Xi Fa Cai ok?

Anyway, Happy Lunar New Year to all the Chinese, Viets, Koreans and Jappies out there. (and if I've forgotten anyone, feel free to add yourself in)


Anyway, I'm feeling extremely pantang (superstitious) this year due to all the recent huge upheavals in my life (new job, new place, waiting for my PR etc) and it always helps to err on the side of caution. So while I'm not exactly timing flowers to bloom exactly on the 29th of January and flying geomancers over from Singapore to come take a look at my place, and in fact I'm not even investing in a rabbit's foot or a four leaf clover, I am in fact, dressed in red, and wearing new clothes.

And I'm just slightly homesick for once, seeing that the annoying Dong dong dong chiang Chinese New Year music is not making me want to blow my brains out for once. And there's NO BUAH KELUAK.

Call me mean but I'm almost happy that the cousin whose mum makes the divine buah keluak is here, suffering from buah keluak withdrawal symptoms too.

Dammit. If only I could find some here, I'd MAKE my cousin cook it, exam or no exam tomorrow!

If anything, Melbourne weather seems to be conspiring to make it as homely for me as possible, what with an entire week of 30-40+ degrees of humidity. mmmm. sweat. ECH. I've grown 4 new freckles on ONE ARM just walking from apartment to tram stop.

(and if anyone wants to pass the message on to my mum, no, I still haven't tanned and still look like a little white mouse) I BLAME THE TEOCHEW GENES. Mum, it's ALL YOUR FAULT I'M SO PALE OK?

Went out for reunion dinner with the crew from ex-work (booked 2 weeks in advance), stuffed ourselves with duck at Old Kingdom which has a very entertaining owner. (Booyah for the way he cuts our duck man. and the way he's so pantang about the way we arrange our duck) Apparently he's from East Timor but speaks very good Mandarin and Indonesian.

then hopped into Chinatown where most of the shops were already closed, but we managed to catch a last round of lion dances dancing into the various restaurants (a bit early hey?). 2 lion dances stick out vividly in my memory.

1) when I was a kid and my grandma had a lion dance troupe in the compound, I was scared shitless of the loud noises coz it really really hurt my ears, and what the heck, those lions had antlers! and their eyes! eeek. They WINKED! anyway, I think the lion-dancers kinda liked me (orand pranced my way a little, which of course made me hide almost in tears, although I was really in awe of the way they caught the red packet hanging on the second floor off a bamboo pole.

2) In a hawker centre eating my food and some Bangladeshi workers were obviously hired to "do the rounds" kowtowing to the various shrines placed there, and even to some joss sticks stuck into a cucumber. That was a little disturbing to me.


Anyway, Bryyin just called and we were discussing red packets and how it differs even within each dialect group, and how my parents have the SAME discussion every year.

"Married already must give angpow"

"No lah, same generation leh"

"Aiyah, Cantonese custom not the same mah"

"you cantonese so mad one. Some more must give parents"

Dad mutters something in Cantonese under his breath.

"What did you say CJ???" (yes, my dad goes by the very cool moniker of CJ- even in real life)

heh heh heh.

Speaking of which, I just realised how traditional my family was, from only recently allowing girls to ackknowledge our ancestors (gramps was afraid no boy would be left to remember our ancestors coz her 5 sons were just spawning way too many girls)

to us having to kneel down to collect our angpows, and even my mum's heirloom shared with her 3 sisters - 3 sets of custom made 3D charm bracelets in yellow gold, intricately made to include things like an actual working set of abacus less than an inch LONG and a bird in a birdcage (and I don't mean out of one piece of gold). People really don't make things like that anymore.

Must find non-creepy temple to pay my respects this year I think. Maybe I'll just go to that 100% Buddhist one on Queen St because that South Melbourne one just gives me the creeps. (or when I visit my cousin we can both go to one of the Box Hill ones)

Listening to: Teresa Teng- The Moon Represents My Heart (yue liang dai biao wo de xin) because it reminds me so much goldfishmemory's mum. HAHA!

Friday, January 27, 2006


PopoZao baby.

If only you paid more attention to Britney's PopoZao hey?

Related: Cottage Cheese thighs

and please, watch James Lipton read PopoZao. Bloody fantastic.

for chalyz (back when I had long hair)

the other girls in the pic are photowhores with pics plastered all over friendster, but I'd still like to pretend to keep their identities secret. ;)

Besides. If anyone saw these pics and recognised my friends, they'd know where I went to high school.

P/S my right boob looks a little strange due to the angle, but fear not! My boobs may be weird, but they're not that weird.

Listening to: Theresa Teng- The Moon Represents My Heart

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

goodbye slinky minxes

no pictures atm, but everyone knows the place I work at hires a large amount of hot chicks.

We've had a group of 3 chefs from Beaumauris come and tell us they used to come up once a week just to look at the girls. In fact, we've had various groups of guys come up just to look at the girls. We've had strange people think they can get away with foreign languages amongst our multi-lingual staff, saying things like "Why doesn't she stay awhile, let's create accidents or call her back" We've had weird stalker boys waiting for us at the opposite cafes. We've heard the lamest pickup lines. ("Baby, can you light my fire?" being the most common one)

Come to think of it, some people say our boys are pretty cute. Although, I'm kinda indifferent given that I see them everyday.

So imagine all of these hot boys and girls dressed up for a cocktail partay and voila. You have our staff late-X'mas party. (make that very late)

It was quite successful as far as the party itself went- Unlimited bar tab, the toilets didn't run out of toilet paper, everyone on the dance floor, good food (mmmm.....smoked salmon and avocado, mini-bruchettas, peking duck, sushi, sausage rolls, wantons in vinegar, satay skewers...mmmmmm). Sure the DJ was a little patchy, and who the hell does a set of House house house, 80s remix, THREE RnB followed by 1 ROCK? HEY?? HEY?? HEY??!!!??? *breathes* BUT!

all in all, it was a fantastic night. Ex-staff turned up in force (we're really tight, ex staff remain hella good friends and we all regularly visit our old latte-making grounds), I managed to wrangle free food off the boss including a free sample of the new menu, and best of all, we all got to catch up.

Sure, scary GM with death ray stare was seen shimmying in a floor length gown and feathers in her hair, frightening the living daylights in a 3m radius; but we got to see our founder drunk and "dancing" and our area manager was er, very happy. Very happy indeed.

anyway, IF I can find pics, you'll see all of us dressed to the nines, including Cath in her gorgeous Chanel and Erys in that Review dress I was eyeing except I decided that a) it was too pricy and b) you need a really good bod to carry it off and Nana in herstraight out of anime character outfit. She looked so good if she did that sideways-S shape thing with her body and the peace sign, she'd be IT. Mike with her 50s look from Cactus Jam, Jules in her really hot mini-cheongsam, Cynthia and Paola in Latina hotness...There were so many gorgeous dresses out of our Swedish girls came dressed in typical European style...a white minidress. oooohhhhhhh. Anyway....we'll see what I can find. Maybe I should post that up with a fashion journal look.

Listening to: Manic Star

Monday, January 23, 2006

They somehow managed to get buah keluak in Perth!!!!!

Must find way of getting it here, and not in bloody Rawon soup packets either. GRRRRRR. Cyanide? What cyanide? It's not like Apricots, peaches, apples and Tapioca don't kill either. Ha. Now you know. That bubble tea phase? was all an evil conspiracy to kill us all. *psychotic evil look*

I want ayam buak keluak. Maybe I should ring the Hyatt. You think they'll tell me?

Sunday, January 22, 2006

heatstroke haiku

here I am bristling
reposing in workplaces
the only option

Pros of having a doc friend you can just ring up distraught:

Immediate and free consultation ON THE PHONE

Cons of having a doc friend you can just ring up distraught:

Them laughing at you when you think you have appendicitis when you're most probably just ovulating.

WHAT? my family medical history has almost anything and everything from hernias to cancers, scoliosis to sclerosis, pigmentation to er, receeding hairlines? EVERYTHING BLOODY THING. you name it, we most probably have it. So don't laugh ok.

Listening to: Conjure One - Tears From The Moon (Tiesto remix)

Thursday, January 19, 2006


I have an attack of the rambles.

victoria's secret models

make you want to become a model: until you realise you'd have to be THAT tall, with legs THAT long and also become THAT skinny. (I reckon one or two of them were too skinny actually- but most of them were so gorgeous I think if I were a straight guy I'd implode)

and erm, it wasn't our imaginations. Apparently the "sort-of-but-not-really" Asian model we saw was Juliana Imai- part Asian, part Brazillian. and I think I found at least some of our other "models of interest" 1stly one of the too skinny ones- Michelle Alves. When you're named as "skinny" amongst a whole other list of VS models as skinny on the Who2Who site, you know you're too darned skinny.

and what the hell. I can't believe Klum has only given birth a few months ago...arghhhh!!!!

One redeeming thing about watching the entire show even though I'm almost about to pack my bags and flee to a fat farm, is that every "asian supermodel" ugly or not who's made it big really really really chinky eyes.

Yay for chinky eyes! Even Irina Panteva, the revulsion of every Singaporean and the toast of the Western world. "Dinner plate face" my dad called it - he's very imaginative that way. His other names include "Mooncakes" "Craters" "Flat Biscuits" (translated) and "Chinese Steamed Buns" (translated). He's very PC isn't he?

btw, in my search on Asian supermodels, Anna Watanabe came up and yes, she is Ken's daughter! Also came up with Charlotte Casiraghi (princess, not model) and Elvis' granddaughter- Riley (model and arguably a princess). Very nice lips both of them. and everyone knows I have a thing for Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Aishwarya Rai, the entire Casiraghi clan Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie nice lips.

things to do before I leave

well. We wanted to have a knock-back back day, where we'd make fun of ourselves and customers...whenever they ordered anything...we'd just say "AND DEN???" until they got the joke, or walked away in a huff. (dude! don't tell me you don't get it)

Then there was the one where we wanted to repeat customer's garbled orders back to us.

"So that was a Sucker, a Doom, a Babushka and a Christmas Tree with Warflays and Shuffles?"

goodbye letter

like the nasty lil' heifer you always knew I was, I now take my leave
into the even more cow-ish world of advertising!


I've tried to tell each and every one of you personally, but thought
I should tell people who aren't in Melbourne atm that no, I won't be
there to yell at you to "take drinks out faster!" "wipe the tables"
or "cover that damn banana or I'll make you eat it with the fruit
flies on it" when you come back.

aren't you all GLAD? ding dong the witch is...gone?

I'll still be lurking around Melbourne snorting at bubbly lattes and
posing with my wanker soy chai so don't you worry, you haven't seen
the last of me yet.

and if you really want your weekly witchy dose of sarcasm and dry dry
wit, (because you know, I'm so good at that sort of thing), just head
on over to the phonelist (you know, the one YOU should be looking at
when trying to find replacements- not making managers do your dirty
work for you) next to the phone in shop.

And if I don't pick up the phone, you know it's you. not me. ;)

heh heh heh

Saturday, January 14, 2006


See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive
-jason mraz

You know your brain is chilling out somewhere in the backseat when you rely on fluffy pop songs to encapsulate your life. (and is so small you can't really see it in the rearview mirror)


I just realised that after my initial culture shock of aussie-isms those many years ago (see you later? But I'm never going to see you again!) I'm now going through cultural retraining with Singaporeans.

Just like how "see you later" used to piss the shit out of me when I first arrived, Singaporean usage of everyday English words drives me absolutely bananas- my pet hate being "Correct" (occasionally pronounced "corright")

Technically, the word correct in Singaporean usage makes perfect sense. It means that it is not a fallacy. Zero faults.

So when you make some random remark when you bump into them in the streets and say "hey weren't you in my class in year 1902?" instead of saying somethings friendly, they'll say something like

"Correct. You're XYZ's friend right???"

or when you're having a perfectly benign conversation, and then someone brings up say...some home truth like the earth is round. or were discussing U2's upcoming concert and said "Rumour has it Bono is not going to wear his sunnies" or something like that, they'd say "Yah, correct! and then blah blah blah"


I don't care if I'm correct or not about the rumour, and if I'm telling people the earth is almost certainly round, I don't need some schoolmarm to jump in and say "Yah, correct" not to mention they then hijack the conversation after making "correct" statements. I feel so patronised!

I mean, they were SO MANY OTHER THINGS to say. if they'd cut out the dammable "yah correct" I'd be so much more willing for them to open their mouths without a baseball bat in my hand. I mean imagine...

"rumour has it Bono blah blah"

"yeah! I heard that too! blah blah blah"

At this stage, I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS what you change the subject to. The price of eggs even! It's so much less confronting!

ok. how about

"rumour has it Bono blah blah blah"

"hmmm, but then I heard...."

The underlying problem seems to be that any statement I make is turned into a validating one. Everything I say has to be sanctioned.

"The tram inspectors sometimes dress in plainclothes"

"Yeah correct!"

I DON'T NEED YOUR VALIDATION!!!! in fact I feel patronised!!!!

and it's such a reflection of the culture. everything sanctioned, the herd mentality, the usage bearing a strong resemblance to a classroom in a country where academic grades reign supreme.

In fact, I've noticed it's a more "guy word" to use. Not many girls seem to use it, and there it is...reflection of a chauvanistic society on top of it all.

I once read a research article about chauvanistic values in Asian countries..and how it differs from traditional western chauvanism per se, and how it differs yet again from Mediterranian cultures and Middle eastern ones, and religious ones are different yet again.

What struck me was the country by country breakdown.

In the survey, Singapore was the ONLY COUNTRY in Asia where the men expect the women not only to cook and clean, but to also hold down a full time job.

we are reflection of our times, our cultures. and sometimes, the usage of the word "correct" just plain freaks me out, because it means so much more.

Listening to: 80s pop shmaltz

Friday, January 06, 2006

blatant attack against self-help books

here's a fantastic way of pushing your boyfriend into cheating-
turn yourself into a paranoid bitch on top of everything else!

oh yes. The 100% absolutely predictable things men do when they cheat.

I was happily minding my own business (walking to the cookery section) when the pop art cover caught my eye. Lo behold! It was in the Top 10 Self Help Bestseller List! I'll admit to having a huge bias against self help* although the occassional one will get through my defences and I'll actually sit down and read it**, and the very occasional one I will actually like***.


I was sucked in by the cover, until I read the blurb. and then I read some of the telltale signs as listed in the contents page. "He shakes his head disapprovingly at other men who philander"


and if he weren't cheating he'd nod his head approvingly? I mean, that's like saying only lactose intolerant people are against milk products in their diet when really, so are the vegans and the yuppie health freaks. (that wasn't meant to be serious)

I'm not saying ALL men are going to shake their heads disapprovingly when they hear of such a situation when in the proximity of their girlfriends, but I'd bet good money that a sizeable amount would (and the few stupid ones who didn't would soon realise that they were meant to).

I then got sucked into "Toxic People" because it genuinely interested me, which I liked (if I were Toxic to anyone, it'd be because I was an Emotional Refridgerator) and yes, one man's friend is another man's toxic person- one whole chapter spelling it out to people with an IQ of 5. until I spied the title "Rules II" (what! You mean it SPAWNED??!!??)

le sigh.

I moved on to my rightful shelf (cookery) before walking out...and spying....a numerology book. The meaning of my life in numbers! oooohhhhhh. the number 11 keeps recurring in my I'm an idealistic nut. oh the joys of sharing a birthday with Benito Mussollini and having 2 "golden couple" marriages fail when the vows were made on my birthday (Princess Diana and Prince Charles, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston) I guess it's all coming up roses in regards to my love life hey?

Listening to: Shirley Bassey- Where Do I Begin [Hotel Flores Vol. 3] (friggin fantastic- THANKS PAM!)

*something to do with the fact my father tried to force me to read How To Win Friends And Influence People at somewhere between the ages of 7 and 9, and my mum trying to get me to read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People when I was....11? It didn't help that the whole Chicken Soup for The Soul rage was all abuzz. and no my parents weren't being as delusional as you think they were, I was a freak of a child, and I'd read LOTR and Shakespeare by 9, and I was well into their encyclopedias by the time I was 11...I think I was so bored once I started reading the dictionary...but stopped at the letter A because some of those words were just plain...useless. If I had a child like me, I'd be frightened. My parents were cool about it and even went on to buy me things like 'The Unabridged Version of the Grimm Brothers Fairy Tales' (very traumatising, really should have a PG rating) and Bram Stroker's Dracula...and my dad even introduced me to the now infamous Holy Blood, Holy Grail by the time I was 9 or 10. It was astounding.

** my parents gave me The Rules at 14. I threw the book into the trash. They were appalled. So was I. [to be fair, I don't think they knew what was in it]

*** like Rich Dad Poor Dad, and Who Moved My Cheese?

Monday, January 02, 2006

baby got back

someone finally managed to explain how rap boys keep their pants up. Talent. it takes talent. I mean, what if you have a big butt??? isn't it at an angle so that if you evened it out it really would just...quite literally "pool at your feet" to quote some dodgy Mills and Boon novel I was forced to read way back in Year 10?

The mind boggles.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

happy new year

Jeebus. HOW HOT CAN IT GET??!!!??? for most of yesterday it felt like I was in direct crossfire between an open oven door and a super strength hairdryer. SHRIVELLED LIKE A RAISIN!!!!

everyone turned up at work literally panting, feeling for all the world like dozy blowflies, falling in a heap the moment they reached the air conditioned coolness of work where our poor air conditioner was working overtime, battling against the elements that even our double glazed windows could not keep out. I half expected tumbleweed to go rolling past (at very high speeds due to the crazy winds) outside the deserted courtyard. (deserted, desert-ed...a haha! the heat has gotten to my brains!)

Apparently we hit 42.9 over here (that's 109.2 Farenheit for my US pals) MADNESS! It wouldn't be so bad if the winds weren't so strong, but as it was, we were buffeted about by northely winds direct from the red centre which honestly is NOT FUN.

I really don't know how those Alice people cope with it almost every day of the year (and coping with freezing cold nights on top of it). No wonder they dig underground burrows. I got burnt despite SPF 30 sunscreen, just standing at the tram stop waiting for a tram!!!!

After work was no better, the temperature wasn't even what you could call "balmy" - which insinuates humidity, and while warm, does not connote uncomfortable. This was 39 degrees at 8pm, 3 of us managers piled into the storeroom doing stocktake...worrying that our grand countdown was going to be held in some creepy storeroom that looked like a Windows 3.1 Screensaver. (the one with the walls)

I spent midnight watching harry potter pt2 (34 degrees) and at 3am it was still 32. ARGHHHHH.

That said, I had a great new year, finally choosing the new year without the view because a) it was closest to work b) I felt closest to them in terms of friendship since I see them the most often. [my other two options were alumbra, right on the waterfront with spectacular fireworks views and west melbourne (thanks pris!) for more great fireworks views]

I was really happy with the choice, given that I am now proud to say that I've watched all four Harry Potter movies! gosh I am so behind the times. But that whomping willow. Man it's an evil tree! Watching 3 movies consecutively makes you realise that the willow is a violent, violent tree. And that Buckbeak is not as scary as I imagined him to fact he's a really grand creature! I always imagined him to be really quite scary. Incredible job the animators did, much better than Narnia if I say so myself, and each movie's production quality just got better, and better.

and Professor Lupin....ha. I love his musical tastes. I want! And yeah, once Hermione plucked her eyebrows and de-frizzed her hair, she looked really good! The wonders just a little grooming can do.

oh oh. I HAVE BEEF WITH THE PATRONUS CHARM! I never imagined the Patronus as something that could only be seen from the other end of the wand! And I was *so sure* that you didn't need to keep holding the wand while you let it run free!

I mean....okay. If you read the book, you'll see that during Harry's OWLS he managed to make his Patronus gallop across the room in a circle before disappearing, and that even Hermione's Patronus was half a Patronus when she had her 1st try. What I'd always imagined was that a wisp would come out at the edge of your wand, and gradually build into a mist that took the form of your Patronus hence enabling "half-Patronuses/Patroni" i.e. say the front half looks like a patronus and the remainder that's still coming from/attached and gradually detaching itself but is still in mist. HUH.

but I guess the producer must have thought that the best look was a giant concave wall springing from a wand so that it looks like a magic force field, which I suppose is the function of the Patronus. Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm.

Ah well, brilliant SFX, each better than the last, and excellent cinematography. So I'm most definitely not complaining.

*dopey grin*


AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. First, there was the santa mailbox in city square, and now I find that even the air traffic controllers and Australia's version of NASA are in on this

although I have to say he does get much better treatment in Canada where not only do planes STAY out of his flight path, he gets escorted by fighter jets! (poor reindeer, they must be deaf)

and for more HAHAHAs

The oldest noodles have been found! The Chinese invented it and then spread it along!