Tuesday, March 07, 2006

rant

If you see a badly pixelated version of my face appear on some poorly-made nude photo found online, it's not me. The boys at the backpackers opposite may have sold it to some online sleazebag vendor.

It all began with soap.










This is not as hot and slippery as it sounds.

What REALLY happened was, I was watching TV with my housemate, having a chat, when we heard THINGS being PELTED into our balcony. We rushed out, and we found bars of soap with the words "Sleep with Me" on the cover.

The boys were waiting with a camcorder, filmed us, and we threw them the middle finger.

Last night, I was watching TV again (I don't really watch that much TV, but I make an exception for Supernatural) and suddenly, FLASHES started bouncing off my WALLS.

Turn round, this time the guys were leaning out the window taking pictures.

So, as a public notice, waaaaaaaaaaaaay before any naked pictures start showing on the net, you now know they were fake.

***

Also, I was emailed a list of conditions of when and where I may be exempt for taking the IELTS test. For those of you not in the know, IELTS tests for your English proficiency.

PLAIN RIDICULOUS!!!!! I score in the top 3% of my year level for VCE English, and they MAKE ME TAKE AN IELTS TEST.

FOR $240.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Well, begging your pardon for my erroneous assumption that you don't have faith in your own education system.

I went on to the IELTS test site where they ENCOURAGE people to try sample tests before the date, and one of the written questions (15min) was this:-

In 150 words, please DESCRIBE (emphasis my own) the following graph. [penalisation occurs if you go over the word limit]

What FOLLOWS, is an annual report of the number of people taking public transport in the last five years. A breakdown into "Bus, train and tram" include percentages.

I LAUGHED. You don't even want me to analyse the damn graph? Just DESCRIBE????

Okay.

+ According to this graph, the number type of transport is specified on the X-Axis. The total number of people utilising each mode of transport is recorded on the Y Axis. Using the column graph, we can then glean information as to the exact proportions of the population taking public transport.

A further breakdown into the TYPES of transport and a chronological comparison by year is also reflected in the X-Axis, presumably so as to conduct a comparison between not only the overall number of people taking public transport each year, but also to help analyse whether people-flows are moving to other modes of public transport. +

*brain implodes* (for the record I took 5min)

The next question takes 45min. Do you believe that the government's recent legislature to ban smoking in all public areas counts as reducing freedom? (despite the fact that it's good in some ways?)

or something to that effect

250 words.

OH MY LORD.

then the reading test.

This section provides a sample of Part Two of the Speaking Module. There are three main parts to the IELTS Speaking Module. In Part One the candidate answers general questions about themselves, their home/family and other such personal topics. This part lasts about four-five minutes. Part Two is sampled below and in Part Three the candidate and Examiner engage in a discussion of more abstract issues and concepts which are related to the topic in Part Two.

Speaking Part Two Sample

Describe a teacher who has greatly influenced you in your education.

You should say:

where you met them;

what subject they taught;

what was special about them;

and explain why this person influenced you so much.

You will have to talk about the topic for 1 to 2 minutes. You have one minute to think about what you are going to say. You can make some notes if you wish.

*keels over*

I have half a mind when they ask "personal questions" to say things like

"I have multiple personality disorder, but I'm taking medication. It's funny you know, one of them in an Oxford Arthurian literature professor named Dr. Dumbledore. Sometimes, he tells me that he's the one who bought over all those studio execs. and convinced them to film Tristan and Isolde. He's also most excited about Beowulf because it's not only one of the classics of Western literature as a whole, but also because it is set to star Angelina Jolie, whom he claims he'll turn straight for. Sometimes, I wished I could stop taking my medication so he comes to the fore, he's excellent at grandiloquent terms and would really help me ace this test."

But you were saying?????

Listening to: Bent - I Can't Believe It's Over

4 comments:

offkilter said...

1. You are such a nerd. Loveable nerd but still nerd nonetheless.

2. Why do you attract all the psychos? Seriously you are like a walking blackhole that sucks all psychos your way. Let's try to room someday. Maybe we'll create a space warp so powerful we'll be transported back or forth in time - where only psychos roam the earth.

3. I'll be in Melbourne in 3 days. I demand a drinking session with you. Hopefully without psychos.

4. I hope you are well and do not laugh at my wallet. I will not be happy.

5. I miss you and you still haven't emailed me the email you supposedly sent me but I never got!

Ben said...

You, dear, are utterly insane, haha.

On the bright side though, it's good that you're now getting the weirdoes delivered directly to your home instead of having to go out looking for them.

And ryc: the kid was from Rochester, what can I say? Haha...

Anonymous said...

Ooooh, are you being stalked?
kissthewitch

Tricia said...

i know.. wat a drag IELTS can be..